Alone
by vicctoria
Summary: Okay so I think all of you guys can relate to unrequited love right? Then you'll probably know this kind of pain. Love hurts. Naruto loves Sasuke, maybe a little too much.
1. Chapter 1

Hey guys! Before I start writing I just wanted to let you know that I will update "It Just Hurts" as soon as possible, but it's not finished yet. I'm currently going through what Naruto is going through in this one-shot. I just need to let it out so I decided on writing it as a story for Sasuke and Naruto.

This is REALLY short, but whatever.

Enjoy!

XOXO Victoria

Disclaimer: I own nothing *sobs*

* * *

It hurts. It really physically hurts. It feels as though someone has punched me in my face, kicked me down to the floor, and then just looks down on me laughing.

I feel humiliated, I feel used, and most of all I feel alone.

I can see his back when he walks away from me with Sakura, Shikamaru and Sai. And I can feel that all too familiar feeling of betrayal. I used to be there, together with them. It used to be me instead of Sai. I clench my hand as waves of anger pours through me. How could they just replace me? How can they live with themselves _knowing_ that I'm hurting?

I growl low to myself as I narrow my eyes, glaring angrily at his back.

We used to be best friends. _Best fucking friends_. We talked _every day_. We texted _every day_. He looked at me _every day_. Now it's been _two_ months since he said one word to me. Maybe you think I'm joking, but no, not _one single useless word_. It's like he just woke up one day and thought "No, I'm never gonna talk to him again". I don't even know what I did wrong. Am I not enough? There must be something wrong with me if not even my best friend finds me worthy.

The worst part of it all is being constantly reminded of how it used to be. How he used to talk to me like he talks to Sai. How he punched me friendly on the arm like he does to Shikamaru. How he laughed at my jokes like he does to Sakura.

Why can't I have that again? _What did I do?_

I look away from him as a memory starts to once again take form in my head.

* * *

_"You really are a moron" he says as he slaps me lightly over the head. I can't help but smile at his annoyed expression._

_"And you're a bastard Sasuke" I answer with a laugh "now that we've stated the obvious, can we continue?" _

_I look down on the paper with numbers on it and I mentally wince, I really don't want to continue but what can you do? _

_Sasuke sighed heavily as he started explaining the equation while letting his finger dance over the paper, building a visible picture of what he was saying. His bangs are hanging loosely down his face, framing it perfectly. His nose is wrinkled in concentration and his lips are turned down in a frown. He really is beautiful._

_As if feeling my gaze he turns his head towards me and locks his eyes with mine. Deep blue meets pitch black. For minutes we just looked at each other, not saying anything, just letting our eyes do the talking. From out of nowhere I feel an ache in my chest. A kind of ache I've never felt before. It was as though someone put pressure on me heart. _

_That's the moment that I knew. He held my heart in his hands. Basically my life was in his possession. I'd do anything for him, _anything_. It was up to him, he held the power to crush my heart if he wanted to. Leave me broken and alone. With one action my life could be destroyed. And I trusted him with it. That's when I knew that I loved Uchiha Sasuke with all my heart._

_He looks away and clears his throat "Naruto, have you even been listening to me at all?" _

_I raise my hand to scratch at the back of my neck "Heh.. Of course I have.." I grin nervously at him._

_I loved Sasuke. That's was _not _a good thing. He's my best friend! What If I fuck everything up? I can't let that happen, fuck, what should I do? _

* * *

I shake my head to get rid of the unpleasant memory. After my realisation of my love for Sasuke something awful happened.

Sasuke started flirting with me. He would let his eyes linger on me just a _little_ bit longer, he would rest his hand on my knee anytime he got the chance, he teased me, calling me stupid, wanting a reaction. He made it seem as if he really liked me. As if I actually meant something to him. _Pfft yeah right_.

I remember thinking that I'd rather die than continue on without him.

So what now? Am I dead? Am I nothing? Because he's definitely not with me anymore. I don't think he ever was. It was all just an act. Make him trust you, make him love you, and then ignore him. Ignore him just like he isn't there, like he doesn't exist to you.

I hate him. I really do. I hate all of them, for doing this to me. For leaving me _all alone_. For replacing me with some stupid wannabe. For making me love them.

Everything, every word, every day up till now with them has been an illusion. I've never had friends, they were all lying assholes. I've never had _anything_.

I can't keep on living like this. Constantly feeling pain all over, and having to just smile it away. Every time my smile get's faker and faker, but I don't have the friends to notice that I'm broken. I don't have the friends that'd put comforting arms around my shoulders and just listen to me.

My eyes hurts from holding back the tears that so desperately wants to break free. My stomach hurts as I walk away. Pictures are flashing through my head, all of me and them smiling, laughing, walking together. Everything was allright, I was happy.


	2. Chapter 2

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

Here I am again.

In this darkness that is invisible to anyone else but me. This darkness that consumes me. No one but me can see it, no one but me can feel it. That's because it isn't anything physical. It's like a broken rib. No one can see it from the outside, you look just fine, no one can see that anything's wrong. But it's still there, just because no one can see it doesn't mean that your bone isn't broken, just because you're the only one who can feel the pain it doesn't mean that the pain doesn't exist.

It's like a dark cloud inside my head.

I slowly let the air sip out through my nose as I clench and unclench my fists.

It's so sick. It's all over this one guy. _One. stupid. _guy.

One guy crashed my entire world. The same guy who one day made my hell of a life worth living when he said he'd never leave. The guy who later broke me when he left without a good bye, not as much as a reason why. That's when I realized that it had all been a lie. Our whole friendship had been nothing but a fun game for him to play, and I had been the poor little boy who'd suffered the consequences. It's like he was trying to see how far I'd bend before I broke. Well yeah, he succeeded. I broke. And now there's nothing left of me, besides darkness.

Darkness. Something I've gotten quite used to. It's always there. No matter how many times I smile, or laugh, it's always there, hidden. It shows itself when I'm most vulnerable, when I'm alone in my room or when I'm lying in my bed trying to sleep. That's when it attacks. That's when it hits me the hardest.

I open my eyes and turn my head to look at him. I can see how he sits in front of them, laughing with his hair slightly in front of his eyes as he looks at her. He looks at her the same way he used to look at me.

That hurts really bad too. I knew that he was straight and still I was so quick to believe him when he said he liked me. Love makes you blind. It makes you blind to lies.

I can feel my heart beating ice through my veins. It hurts so much. That throbbing ache in my chest never really leaves, it's there with me wherever I go. How can I go on like this? Pretending like everything's alright when all I want to do is break down and cry.

The thing is that I don't want to be known as the guy who couldn't even put his life back in order. I have no one to talk to. No one to tell how I'm really feeling. That would break the illusion. I want to be known as the guy who always smiled. The guy who'd always brighten your day. Not the guy who couldn't even brighten his own.

I've often wondered why I even bother? Why am I still hoping for a change? Why am I still here? It's not like anything'll ever get better. It's not like he'll ever love me. And so what if it actually got better? These wounds are too deep to heal. The past wont change, it can never change. I'll always be this worthless little boy whose parents left him when he was little. Haha can you believe it, not even my own parents wanted me.

Maybe I should just leave. Disappear. It's not like anyone'll miss me or even notice that I'm gone. Maybe then I can be free, from these demons that's haunting me. Maybe then I can finally be happy. Maybe then I won't feel any more pain.

I close my eyes and let my lips slowly curl up in a small smile. The first genuine smile in months. I've come to my conclusion. I'll do it tonight. Go all the way. Tomorrow there'll be no Naruto. There'll be no tomorrow for me. No more pain, no more struggles, no more nothing.

I open my eyes and I'm met with Sasuke's onyx eyes staring into mine. I flash him a small smile, a sort of way to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being such a burden to you. I'm sorry for always wasting your time, I'm sorry I wasn't worthy. I'm sorry I am me.

I don't feel any fear.


	3. Chapter 3

**WARNINGS:** Self harm and a lot of angst!

**A/N:** I most definitely do **NOT** in any way support or recommend any form of self harm. I just wanted in my fanfiction.

ON WITH THE SHOW

* * *

I've lost many people in my life. Some more important than others.

I've been hurt many times in my life. Sometimes more than others.

But the times I've been hurt the most is when I lost my most important person.

The one who could always lighten my mood. The one who could talk to me and really _listen_ to me. The one who could really _understand_ me.

I don't really have the right to miss him. I was the one who pushed him away, I was the one who broke all contact and ignored him. I would ignore him, not look at him, break everything there was between us. Every time I felt an almost unbearable ache in my chest but I always tried to convince myself that it was worth it. That it was for the best.

Oh how long I hated myself, I still do. Always seeing him sitting alone, his smile still stubbornly plastered on his face but his eyes always dead. For everyday his smile would get faker and faker, and after a while he was only grimacing, happiness long gone.

I dared myself to look at him when he wasn't looking at me, I dared myself to feel for a moment again, before shutting off completely.

I open the front door to my house and give a large sigh as I step inside. It's quiet as always, alone as always, empty as always. I walk up the stairs with a numbing pain in my chest. I know exactly the right way to chase it away. I know exactly the way to shut the emotions off, just shut everything off. I walk in to my room and quickly strip out of my clothes as I head to the bathroom. The ache in my chest is intensifying with every second. It hurts with every breath I take, it hurts in every inch of my body.

I step in under the water and I close my eyes hard.

How did I end up here?

How did _I_, Uchiha Sasuke, end up with depression. I'm the strongest of the strong, I've been through so much and yet nothing had really affected me. Nothing, and then he came. The guy who would turn my whole world upside down. The guy who would break me without even knowing it.

I shake my head as if to stop thinking of it. But how can I? It's always there in the back of my head, a constant nagging.

_Sasuke, you are a horrible person. Sasuke, you destroyed your own life you don't deserve happiness. Sasuke you are worthless. Sasuke he will never love you. Sasuke he hates you. Sasuke you are horrible, you are worthless, you aren't worthy of life_

I open my eyes and I reach for my razorblades with fingers shaking with excitement. My whole body is longing after the adrenalin rush that comes with the blade cutting through my skin. My mind longing to focus on something else than this pain in my heart.

I press the blade against my wrist and with a shuddering intake of breath I let the blade pierce through my skin. At first there's pain, the all too familiar pain. But the pain slowly numbs out into a throbbing ache.

It's like someone just switched a button inside of me. Suddenly I feel nothing.

I look down and I can see the blood seeping out through my cut. I can see how the blood mixes with the water and gets a sort of pink colour as it hits the shower floor.

This has become somewhat off a routine by now, go to school, watch him hate you, push your feelings away, go home, cut, lay in bed and let all the emotions just drown you and then do it all over again.

It's all over one reason.

Naruto.

We were best friends. Had always been best friends for as long as I can remember.

We did everything together, we shared our first kiss together, we talked about girls together, we partied together, we spent all of our time together.

Then one day came when that wasn't enough for me. When I realised that something had changed. Suddenly I found myself staring at him every chance I got, I found myself admiring his face. Hell, I even found myself jerking off to a picture of him.

Suddenly the smallest things meant all too much for me. A innocent little hug could send shivers of pleasure down my spine, a wink or a smile from him could get me blushing like a schoolgirl.

I found myself in love with my best friend. In love with my _straight_ best friend. In love with Uzumaki Naruto.


	4. Chapter 4

_I'm sorry. I'm so very, very sorry. _

_I'm sorry I'm not worthy of being a guy with friends who love him. I'm sorry I'm not good enough. Sasuke, I'm so sorry, for dragging you down and keeping you there. I'm sorry for making you my friend when you obviously didn't want my friendship. I'm so awfully sorry, for so many things. _

_But now I won't have to be sorry anymore. I won't wake up tomorrow, I won't even sleep tonight. From tomorrow on, there'll be no more Naruto, I guess no one will even notice that I'm gone. For the first week they'll think I'm sick, then they'll slowly forget. No one will ask for me._

_I'm tired of being tired all the time, I'm sick of being sick, I can't take this pain anymore. I can't... I'm not afraid to die. For a long time now, death has been all I've been thinking about. Anything will be better than this. Tomorrow there'll be no more pain, no more hurting, no more tears, no more _nothing_. _

_Did y'know that all I ever wished for, was being with you again. Pretty pathetic, huh? Yeah, that's me, pathetic, useless Naruto. I just wanted to say hi and talk to you, I just wanted _someone.

_I wish you the best though, I really do._

I open my eyes and I see myself. My eyes are tired, my cheeks hollow and my hair's a mess. I look pathetic. I look like a broken version of my once gleeful self. Which in fact is exactly what I am.

In my left hand I have the water. In my right, I have my saviours. It's more than enough pills to kill myself, so I don't have to worry.

I look down and all I see is my skinny body covered in scars. Scars that each one of them tells a story. Oh, how long I've hated this body, now finally I'll be free from it. I don't know if I should cry or not, all I know is that I have nothing left. I have no more tears to cry, I'm just empty.

I lift my right hand to my mouth and I let go. _Here goes nothing_. I pour the water down my mouth and I can feel the pills making their way down my throat.

No, I'm not scared at all. I'm already dead. The Naruto I used to be, is already dead. I'm just an empty shell.

Sasuke, oh how long I've hated you. I've hated you for leaving. I've hated you for making me feel this way. I've hated you for what you've done to me.

But how can I hate you? I left myself long ago as well, I gave up on myself. So how can I blame you when I did the exact same thing?

I start to make my way over to my bed with shaking legs. As I lay myself down my heart beats faster. There is no turning back now. Finally, this hell will be over. I won't have to feel anymore.

I fill my head with pleasant memories from a time when I was happy, from a time when pain didn't exist. I let my mouth curve into a smile as I think about how good life used to be.

* * *

_"Nononononononononononono, don't go in ther- WHAT DID I TELL YOU?" I cover my eyes with my hands just in time as the main character in the movie gets murdered. I turn to Sasuke who's looking at me with eyes tinged with amusement. "Why do you always choose horror movies? You know what those does to me!" I tell him with a frown._

_Sasuke gives a laugh and shakes his head. "You don't seem to get it, your reactions are the reason for me picking these movies. They're just too hilarious to miss out on" He says with a smirk. _

_I fold my arms as my frown deepens and I turn to the TV again muttering about bastards and assholes, only to find the movie paused. I once again turn to Sasuke, now a questioning look on my face._

_"Let's talk instead, I don't really find this movie interesting anyway."_

_"Um.. Yeah, sure. About what?"_

_"About school"_

_A frown once again takes its place on my face "Ugh no, bad subject" I say._

_He gives a laugh and the sound sends shivers throughout my whole body "Yeah, you're right I guess." He says as he runs a hand through his hair, suddenly looking nervous. "Say, Naruto. Do you remember when we first met?"_

_"Why, yes of course I do" My mouth curls up into a grin "You were such an arrogant bastard, I hated you when we first met" I laugh._

_"Heh, yeah I guess I were"_

_"It was like you had this giant pole up your ass" I laugh at his expression._

_His mouth slowly turns from a frown into a smirk, and I gulp. _

_"Yeah, and you were the one to help me take it out" he said. His smirk widening as he notices my sudden discomfort. "Y'wanna do it again? Maybe stick something else up there?" He gives me a wink._

_I can feel my pants sitting rather... snug. Which is rather strange considering my blood feels like ice through my veins, and well, you figure it out.. _

_I look anywhere but in his eyes as I feel panic slowly starting to form in my body. And just when I think he's gonna ask me why I look so tense, he starts laughing. A lot. And loud._

_He press his arms to his stomach and he tilts his head back as he laughs and points at me._

_"Hahaha, you should've seen the look on your face!" And then he breaks out laughing again._

_I feel anger starting to spread throughout my whole body as a shield, to save my wounded pride, and I see red. Okay, yeah, maybe he didn't know that that would affect me that much but I don't care, that bastard! _

_I reach for him and I start punching his arm._

_"You. Little. Mother. Fucker." I punctuate each word with a hard punch._

_Between laughs and pants he manage to get out "..Sorry dude.. Hahahaha.. You know I'm just messing with you man!"_

_Before I even knew what was going on, I was laughing with him. It just feels so good to be with him, like I'm never afraid of being myself, I can let go and he doesn't judge me. There's never awkward silences between us, we always have something to talk about. We just fit so well. He's like the brother I never had._

* * *

Like the brother I never had.. Yeah, until he fucking left. It's ridiculous, all the pain, all the hurting, it's all been because of him. But yet, my most precious moments are together with him, I've never been as happy as when I was with him. He's the best and the worst thing that could happen to me.

I just wish this would've ended differently. I wish.. I wish nothing would've changed between us. But now I'm here, and you, you're somewhere else, and you've probably forgotten about me, about how things used to be.

It's kind of sad, isn't it? All the things I've ever wanted to do in my life - travel, see new things, meet new people - nothing can compare to how much I want you. If I can't have you , I don't care about the other things. If I can't have you then I don't want anything at all.

If you're not in my life, I don't want to live.

A lonely tear makes its way down my cheek and a smile curves my lips.

My final teardrop. Devoted to none other than you. You're the one who's now slowly killing me, but it's also with you I've never felt more alive.

I'm ready for this. I want this. No more pain. No more hurting. No more nothing.

I close my eyes for the last time, and with a smile on my lips I slowly drift into darkness.

* * *

_For the first time in years here in Konoha we have a double suicide. Two young boys were found in a small apartment lying next to each other on a bed. The cause of death for both boys is overdose. The police says that one of the boys died hours before the other one, and they think this might be a "Romeo&Juliet" suicide. They're still trying to find a reason for these boys to be so willing to end their lives at the young age of sixteen. We'll be back when we have more information, till then._

_Rest in Peace to Uzumaki Naruto 1997-2013 and Uchiha Sasuke 1997-2013._

* * *

A/N: Well this is it. I left a few parts to your imagination, as you can see:) I hope you like it guys, and thank you so, so, SOOO much for all the support on this story that weren't even supposed to be a story in the first place. I LOVE YOU ALL!


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